Welcome to The Cauldron Chronicles, a written-based podcast where we evoke Cerridwen’s magickal cauldron of inspiration and transformation. Here, we blend wisdom, stories, and sacred practices to guide you on your journey of self-discovery and growth. Together, let’s stir the cauldron and see what truths rise to the surface.
I wake up again in this single bed that sits in the corner of a cold, unfinished basement on a dark green square piece of carpet. There's dog poop hardened all over the basement floor because no one cares to clean it up - why would they, they're not sleeping in here - and all I have is this lonely corner of a dark room. The house isn't even mine I just have been allowed to stay. I'm alone - as usual because my partner is gone again on another drug binge with my car - I'm hungry - the only thing we have in the kitchen are Oreos because none of us have any money - I'm sick - this hyperemesis is wasting me away - and I'm pregnant with my first baby. Although I'm tired of being alone I also welcome it because when he's here my life becomes dangerous, scary, and violent. I'm only 17 years old and this is the only place I currently have to call home.
That was the reality of my life about 20 years ago. In an abusive relationship with a precious baby on the way and only a mere teenager. I was kicked out of my family home for getting pregnant - though admittedly I didn't want to be there anyway - and lost my job due to my chronic morning sickness that tagged along with me 24/7 and had me at a sickly 89 pounds even at almost 6 months pregnant. Life was miserable, frightening, lonely, and I saw no signs of it getting any better. Who even was I, why was I so unloved and uncared for, and why couldn't I have a better life like I see others having? Did I not deserve to have food to eat? Electricity and hot water? Safety? Love? Happiness? Wellness? I truly believed that my experience of life up until that point was all there was. Why couldn't I just be someone else?
Fast-foward to today, here I am. I'm sitting at the counter writing this podcast, my fiance is behind me making music - one of his many creative talents - Christmas music is playing, it's freezing outside but it's warm in here, the fridge is full, and I have very little to do. In fact, I haven't had a whole lot to do for a few days now and it's a brand new experience for me. What is here for me? I find myself wondering often. I don't want to resist what is and create my own suffering and so I am trying to explore the experience and look for lessons instead. Well, this morning it came to me. Remember how life used to be? Yea, I do. How could I forget? The first 30 or so years of my life were lived in full survival mode. I did not have the luxury of "doing nothing". Even if there were no actions to be taken, there was always something to worry and stress about like how will I afford to eat today or will I ever be safe? I realized in that moment that doing nothing is very valuable to me and not from a place of laziness but from a place of nothing needing done to survive. I'm not surviving anymore. I'm living and even sometimes loving life these days. In fact, this very moment is quite perfect.
This story could lead us in many different directions as there are layers of life lessons that I learned through that experience. However, what we will be focusing on today and as you can see in the title of the episode, is about appreciating moments of nothingness. So many of us are always looking for the next thing to consume or to fill our lives with. For most that means staring at and scrolling on your phone way too damn much, for others it may mean shopping and buying things you don't need or have space for, and for others it could mean consuming alcohol or other such enhancers. We actually tend to avoid times of nothingness as if they're bad, wrong, or not good for us when quite the opposite is true. Constantly needing to keep busy can actually become a major distraction to life itself. When do you stop and smell the roses? When do you notice the shapes of the clouds? When do you listen to the birds, your heartbeat, or the inner-voice of your very own spirit? All things that require us to just be.
Appreciating each moment even and especially when you are just existing without pressure to be productive is a way to find and create more peace, awareness, and connection in your day to day life. You'll hear your intuition better and be able to live a spirit-guided life, your experience with life will become more magickal and meaningful, and your life circumstances will transform in the most beautiful ways. If that sounds impossible to you because life is too chaotic, too unsafe, too unwell - as mine used to be - that is just a sign that you need to make some major life choices that will produce change toward your desired results. Allow the ability to appreciate moments of nothingness to become a signpost that helps you measure the wellness of your life, and begin prioritizing as many of these moments in your day-to-day life as you can.
Before you jump into your next task, I'd like to invite you to take a moment right now to stop. Just pause and become aware. What do you see? What do you hear? What do you smell? What do you taste? What do you feel? What is your inner-world like right now? Do you notice any emotions? Thoughts? How is your spirit? Don't judge anything, just observe and identify your current experience. When you're done, take a slow deep inhale, then release it. You are alive in this incredible world just as I am. Just as we all are. Become aware of your individual value as part of the whole.
I'd like to leave one last message before we end things. If you're reading this and you relate to my story and are still in the midst of your suffering, there is a way out. Life is not meant to be lived with so much difficulty and fight. If you're suffering, you've lost a connection with yourself somewhere along the way. This happens by not listening to your intuitive sense of direction through life. At some point, you chose what wasn't good for you. Maybe just one major decision such as a relationship or a job, or maybe a series of misaligned choices. The good news is, it is your choices that got you there and it is your choices that will get you out. Through your choices you choose the direction of your life and the experiences you wish to have. If you choose a job you dislike or an employer that mistreats you, that is the experience you've chosen. You can either keep it and learn some lessons, or see it for what it is and quickly trade it in for something better. I own that my choices landed me in that dark, cold, dog-poop infested basement. I also own that it is my choices that landed me here at my counter, happily, warmly, and contentedly writing this podcast episode. What about your choices?
What about your current life situation are you unhappy with?
How did you choose that experience?
What new choices can you make - no matter how scary they may seem - to change your experience in that area of life?
That about wraps us up for this episode of The Cauldron Chronicles. Remember, every step into self-awareness is a step toward wholeness into your highest, most magickal self. Leave a comment and share your questions or thoughts!
Until next week! Blessed be!
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